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遇到这样的律师,会笑死在法庭上
关键词:南京律师,南京律师事务所,律师笑话
来源|流星天堂的博客、豆瓣
邀稿|手机邮箱 15251840888@139.com

  以下内容来自于一本叫做《Disorder in the American Courts》的书,所有内容都是真实发生在美国法庭上的对话,逐字逐句由强忍笑意控制自己保持镇静的法庭书录员记录下来的。

  This is hilarious!
  这简直匪夷所思!
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  These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
  以下对白摘录自一本名为“美国法庭闹剧”的书,里面所记载的内容全都是真实的,由那些在法庭上不得不强忍镇定的记录员逐字逐句记录下来的。
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  ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
  律师: 你的性生活很活跃吗?
  WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
  证人: 不,我不过是躺着而已。
_____________________

  ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
  律师: 你所患的重症肌无力会影响你的记忆力吗?
  WITNESS: Yes.
  证人: 是的。
  ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
  律师: 它会怎样影响你的记忆力呢?
  WITNESS: I forget.
  证人: 我忘了。
  ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
  律师: 你忘了?那可以告诉我们一件你所忘记的事情吗?
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  ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
  律师: 你丈夫那天早上对你说的第一句话是什么?
  WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
  证人: 他说,“凯西,我这是在哪儿呢?”
  ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
  律师: 为什么这会让你很沮丧?
  WITNESS: My name is Susan!
  证人: 我叫苏珊!
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  ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
  律师:医生,是不是如果一个人在他睡觉的时候死了,那么直到第二天早上他才会知道呢?
  WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
  证人: 你有通过法院的考试吗?
_____________________

  ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?
  律师: 你最年轻的儿子,21岁的那一个,请问他多大了?
  WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
  证人: 啊,他21了。
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  ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
  律师: 当你照这张照片的时候,你在现场吗?
  WITNESS: Are you sh*tt'in me?
  证人: (骂了一句脏话)
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  ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
  律师: 所以婴儿出生是在8月8号吗?
  WITNESS: Yes.
  证人: 是的。
  ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
  律师: 你当时在干什么?
  WITNESS: Uh.... I was gett'in laid!
  证人: 我在生产。
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  ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
  律师: 她有三个小孩,对吗?
  WITNESS: Yes.
  证人: 是的。
  ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
  律师: 几个男孩?
  WITNESS: None.
  证人: 没有男孩。
  ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
  律师: 那有女孩吗?
  WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
  证人:(脏话)你当我是白痴吗?尊敬的法官,我想我需要另外一个律师,可以换一个新的给我吗?
_____________________

  ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
  律师: 你的第一次婚姻是怎么结束的?
  WITNESS: By death.
  证人: 因为死亡。
  ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
  律师: 是因为谁的死亡而结束的?
  WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
  证人: 你觉得呢?
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  ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
  律师: 你可以描述一下那个人吗?
  WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
  证人: 他中等个头,留着胡子。
  ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
  律师: 男的还是女的?
  WITNESS: Guess.
  证人: 你猜。
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  ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
  律师: 医生,在你所有的解剖中,有多少是在死人身上实施的?
  WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
  证人: 全部。你要不要重新考虑一下你刚才的提问?
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  ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
  律师: 你还记得解剖的时间吗?
  WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
  证人: 晚上8:30开始的。
  ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
  律师: 那么登顿先生那个时候几经死了吗?
  WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
  证人: 不,他正坐在桌子上纳闷为什么我要解剖他!
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  ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
  律师: 你有资格提供尿样吗?
  WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
  证人: 啊……你有资格问这个问题吗?
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  --- And the best for last: ---
  --- 下面是最精彩的:---

  ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
  律师: 医生,你解剖之前有没有检查他的脉搏?
  WITNESS: No.
  证人: 没有。
  ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
  律师: 有检查血压吗?
  WITNESS: No.
  证人: 没有。
  ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
  律师: 有检查呼吸吗?
  WITNESS: No.
  证人: 没有。
  ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
  律师: 那么,有没有可能当你实施解剖的时候那个病人还是活的?
  WITNESS: No.
  证人: 不可能。
  ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
  律师: 医生,为什么你这么确定?
  WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
  证人: 因为他的大脑在我书桌上的罐子里。
  ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
  律师: 哦,无论如何,那个病人当时是否还存在任何活着的可能?
  WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
  证人: 有可能,也许他正在从事律师的工作!

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